BMW is about to launch a subscription service on new models that will allow drivers to turn their wipers on when it rains. Costing $29.99 a month, the subscription unlocks the wiper controls so they can be turned on and the speed adjusted.
The Premium Wiper Package ($39.99) adds the intermittent function, windscreen washer, and unlocks the (available) rear window wiper.
“We are simply running out of ways to fleece our customers,” a BMW insider told us, “It’s hard to create year over year profit indefinitely to keep our shareholders happy. Subscription services to features customers have already purchased is the perfect solution moving forward. I think the mistake being made by upper management is going for windscreen wipers first. I don’t think legal has been consulted on this one. We should have ignored the backlash on heated seats or gone for a subscription on door lock and alarm usage first.”
Wanting to remain unnamed, our source also tells us that a pay-as-you-go model is being considered on safety features such as ABS (anti-lock braking system). “These are systems people take for granted now,” says our source, “And if we charge, say, a dollar every time ABS saves someone’s bacon, it’s a service we’ve supplied and it’ll be hard to be mad at.”
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