In what’s likely to be the biggest recall in automotive history, Ford has is voluntarily recalling every F-150 truck it has ever built. According to the paperwork filed with the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), the problem could be anything, and owners should not drive their trucks until their local dealer sends out a tow truck to collect and fix any problems it may have. According to Ford, F-150 owners should “park their trucks as far away from buildings as possible just in case.”
We reached out to Ford’s Press Relations department to find out what prompted the recall. We got a rather refreshingly honest and informative reply two minutes later.
In 2024, we had the most recalls of any brand in North America. Frankly, it got us wondering what the hell is going on. We took a long, good, hard look at ourselves and our history, and decided it’s time to do the right thing and fix our shit. In the 1970s, Ford Pintos would explode if rear ended. In the 1980s, trucks parking brakes would fail and the vehicle roll out of driveways into the road. In the 1990s, tires just fell apart on Explorers. In the 2000s, cruise control was setting fire to F-150s and Explorers. Policy has always been that if it’s cheaper to deal with the lawsuits than fix the problems, we deal with the lawsuits, but it’s time for a change. It’s time for Ford to embrace ethics and accountability. We even looked those words up in the dictionary and explained them to our shareholders, who are not impressed.
According to our inside contact at Ford, recalling the trucks is just the start. Next will be SUVs. Wishing to remain unnamed, our source tells us Ford is considering axing its Blue Cruise autonomous driving tech on the basis that “Computers driving cars is an outright liability”.
Another source tells us that the change in company policy comes from a revolt in Ford’s overworked legal department. “Did you know Ford faced a class-action recently for 1999-2016 Super Duty trucks because the engineers were forced to downgrade key structural features of the roof design to cut costs? And that’s just one example. Those guys and girls are exhausted over there. And they know some shit.”
We asked what “know some shit” means, exactly, but our source clammed up, claiming they had said too much, and left the coffee shop. We noticed, though, that she drove off in a Toyota.
About The Author
