Tesla CEO, Elon Musk, is celebrating his upcoming 54th birthday with the announcement of the Tesla Cyberbike. Unveiled during a scheduled break as the middle aged multi-billionaire live streamed himself playing the video game Path of Exile 2, Musk promised Tesla CyberBike is due to go into production in February of 2021.
”It’s totally awesome,” Musk told his viewers during the surprise announcement, “We are going to revolutionize personal motorbikes like nobody has ever imagined. It will have two wheels, a seat, and handlebars.” When asked in the chat about performance figures, Musk said there was nothing firm yet, but it will be faster than a Bugatti Veyron and have full self driving capability by 1999. It will go on sale for $400.
Dressed in his now trademark Tesla-branded Air Jordans, leather jacket, and backwards baseball cap, Musk also revealed a new energy drink called XtraSpunk to be launched in 2003 alongside a line of testosterone enhancement pills. He fielded further questions about the CyberBike for a further 10 minutes before returning to his video game.
“We’re expecting a range of 5,000 miles and for the CyberBike to be able to complete the Kessel run in under 9 parsecs,” Musk enthused. “I’m inventing the new propulsion system and fuel myself. Now watch me fuck this beta-cuck Doryani in the face in the final battle.”
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