In what could be one of the smartest moves ever made by an automaker, Nissan has announced a new trim level for the Nissan Altima. The Altima Pre-Dented is a version of Nissan’s poverty spec mid-size sedan the comes with factory installed dents and scratches so new owners can get to the not giving a shit stage of owning their cars sooner. According to Nissan’s press release, each dent is hand dinged into the body using whatever tool is on hand to whoever happens to be hanging around at the end of the production line.
Four dents are applied to the Altima Pre-Dented trim — one small one on the front bumper, a larger one on the rear bumper, one on the passenger side fender, and one in the driver’s door. Small scratches are then applied on each panel using a coin or a key and stone chips are applied using small rocks from the road outside. The Altima Pre-Dented will only be available with Nissan’s new Basic Bitch White paint.
“We’re very excited to release the new Pre-Dented trim for Altima. We can’t bring the price down on the base model, but we’ve spoken to many insurance companies and are assured that the algorithm will deliver cheaper quotes to owners as they simply won’t give a shit about claiming if, say, a shopping trolley runs into it in a car park. The new trim will also bring peace of mind about being in bumper to bumper traffic or reckless driving on the freeway. Our customers can drink their coffee and weave through traffic safe in the knowledge that their car is already scratched and dented.”
Nissan customers in California can also add the LA Package for an extra $350. The LA package comes pre-rear ended from the factory, glue left over from a bumper sticker, a stone chip on the windscreen, and dust that can’t be removed by the most powerful vacuums trodden into all the floor mats.
The Altima Pre-Dented starts at $27,000 and will sat in the road outside dealerships in the spring.
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